12/13/13 - Friday - Where Do I Begin?

Where do I begin?

I've asked myself this question so many times.  You'd laugh, then cry and then probably start beating your head against a wall...that's if I could even count how many times I've asked myself this question, much less tell you how many times I asked this question.

So we'll begin here and now with these pictures.  These are pictures of where I was at, physically, on Wednesday, August 21, 2013.

Let's just say this body was an experiment in how much damage I could do to myself.

When did this all start?  This all started back in sixth grade.  Shocked?  Don't be.

That's where a lot of things started for me.  In this head at that time, besides my soul searching for God, was where I started veering in the wrong direction.

"Malinda, when did you figure this out?"  Over time and healing a little bit at a time, I came to realize when I first started going off track.

In other items I've written about feeling like I was twelve years old inside.  That was no lie.  Up until last November, about a week before Thanksgiving, there was a twelve year old pretending to be a 45 year old inside this body.

Kelsey went to school that Monday morning.  Unbeknownst to her, I became a whole 45 year old at that time.  There were a lot of tears.  Tears of sorrow, thanksgiving and hope.

The experiences I've had are all there, I own them and I was finally moving forward.

For Independable to grow beyond me, I have to mean what I say in actions and words, internally and externally, at home and in public.

God's been a good teacher who uses ALL the tools available to him to light my path and get me where he wants me to be.  Here's some of the progress we've made in general terms:  I now have a mission statement, I have an end in mind, I have dreams, I have goals, I can plan, I was setting aside time for God and prayer on a daily basis and I have a lot of work ahead of me.  There was one last thing stopping me.

Here's where you say, "Malinda what was stopping you?" 

The answer is this body that I confined myself in.  I do mean confined myself! I was to the point where at my last doctors visit I was 249 pounds.  The lack of positive energy made me lethargic.  I have never gotten consistent good sleep.  I wasn't always eating well.  Most of the time, I wasn't drinking enough water either.  Then there's exercise.  When I did exercise, I over did it.  All this added up to what you see in these pictures and personal issues that would be way too much information for some of you  (If you want more details, just post a comment or e-mail me - I have nothing to hide).  The changes inside were not being reflected on the outside.

When I looked my best on the outside, I was a mess on the inside. 

In the past I wasn't doing things to align myself with God's will on the inside or the outside.  I was always trying to be, what I felt, other people wanted me to be.  That pretending thing.  Now I'm doing what God wants me to do, so I can be the perfect Malinda for here and now and going forward.  Still day by day and a little bit at a time.

"Well, Malinda.  Get to it!  What are you doing?"

I now sleep, pretty consistently, 7.5 to 8 hours per night.  During the week I'm pretty much to sleep before 10:30 pm.  (The weekends are being tackled too.)

I now eat much better.  Five small meals a day with the first one within an hour of waking.  (This can still be iffy some days.  Another words, I still have to think consciously about it.)

I'm drinking a lot more water.

And I'm exercising.  Please say, "YEAH!" here.  This is a work in progress too.  God has helped me to understand that if I exercise for just a half hour per day six days per week, I can gain energy to do the other things I need to do.  There's a lot more physical activity I should be doing.  A half hour.  I can do that! 

I have been since August 21, 2013.  I'm on day 116 tomorrow and thanking God all the way.

I'll ask Kelsey if she'll take some current pictures for me tomorrow.  Saturday has become my one day off per week.  Sometimes this can be a challenge. 

As I go through and share this process with you, please remember, I'm not concentrating on weight or looks.  I'm aligning myself, body, mind and soul, with God and the Holy Spirit that he has blessed me with.  I will be victorious!

You can be victorious too!

Sweet dreams and my love to all.

Malinda A. Gottschalk  :-)  XOXOXO