12/13/13 - Friday - Where Do I Begin?

Where do I begin?

I've asked myself this question so many times.  You'd laugh, then cry and then probably start beating your head against a wall...that's if I could even count how many times I've asked myself this question, much less tell you how many times I asked this question.

So we'll begin here and now with these pictures.  These are pictures of where I was at, physically, on Wednesday, August 21, 2013.

Let's just say this body was an experiment in how much damage I could do to myself.

When did this all start?  This all started back in sixth grade.  Shocked?  Don't be.

That's where a lot of things started for me.  In this head at that time, besides my soul searching for God, was where I started veering in the wrong direction.

"Malinda, when did you figure this out?"  Over time and healing a little bit at a time, I came to realize when I first started going off track.

In other items I've written about feeling like I was twelve years old inside.  That was no lie.  Up until last November, about a week before Thanksgiving, there was a twelve year old pretending to be a 45 year old inside this body.

Kelsey went to school that Monday morning.  Unbeknownst to her, I became a whole 45 year old at that time.  There were a lot of tears.  Tears of sorrow, thanksgiving and hope.

The experiences I've had are all there, I own them and I was finally moving forward.

For Independable to grow beyond me, I have to mean what I say in actions and words, internally and externally, at home and in public.

God's been a good teacher who uses ALL the tools available to him to light my path and get me where he wants me to be.  Here's some of the progress we've made in general terms:  I now have a mission statement, I have an end in mind, I have dreams, I have goals, I can plan, I was setting aside time for God and prayer on a daily basis and I have a lot of work ahead of me.  There was one last thing stopping me.

Here's where you say, "Malinda what was stopping you?" 

The answer is this body that I confined myself in.  I do mean confined myself! I was to the point where at my last doctors visit I was 249 pounds.  The lack of positive energy made me lethargic.  I have never gotten consistent good sleep.  I wasn't always eating well.  Most of the time, I wasn't drinking enough water either.  Then there's exercise.  When I did exercise, I over did it.  All this added up to what you see in these pictures and personal issues that would be way too much information for some of you  (If you want more details, just post a comment or e-mail me - I have nothing to hide).  The changes inside were not being reflected on the outside.

When I looked my best on the outside, I was a mess on the inside. 

In the past I wasn't doing things to align myself with God's will on the inside or the outside.  I was always trying to be, what I felt, other people wanted me to be.  That pretending thing.  Now I'm doing what God wants me to do, so I can be the perfect Malinda for here and now and going forward.  Still day by day and a little bit at a time.

"Well, Malinda.  Get to it!  What are you doing?"

I now sleep, pretty consistently, 7.5 to 8 hours per night.  During the week I'm pretty much to sleep before 10:30 pm.  (The weekends are being tackled too.)

I now eat much better.  Five small meals a day with the first one within an hour of waking.  (This can still be iffy some days.  Another words, I still have to think consciously about it.)

I'm drinking a lot more water.

And I'm exercising.  Please say, "YEAH!" here.  This is a work in progress too.  God has helped me to understand that if I exercise for just a half hour per day six days per week, I can gain energy to do the other things I need to do.  There's a lot more physical activity I should be doing.  A half hour.  I can do that! 

I have been since August 21, 2013.  I'm on day 116 tomorrow and thanking God all the way.

I'll ask Kelsey if she'll take some current pictures for me tomorrow.  Saturday has become my one day off per week.  Sometimes this can be a challenge. 

As I go through and share this process with you, please remember, I'm not concentrating on weight or looks.  I'm aligning myself, body, mind and soul, with God and the Holy Spirit that he has blessed me with.  I will be victorious!

You can be victorious too!

Sweet dreams and my love to all.

Malinda A. Gottschalk  :-)  XOXOXO

Wednesday, 12/04/13 - Dumber Than a Box of Rocks

Have you ever heard the saying that someone is dumber than a box of rocks?

I'm sure more than a few of you have.

It's usually used to refer to someone that the person, using the phrase, believes is not very smart.

This phrase has been coming to mind since last night when I should have been going to sleep.

Dumber than a box of rock is how someone I know tends to treat others under various circumstances.

I started thinking a little further about this phrase.  This is what I've come up with:

Dumber Than a Box of Rocks

You may treat or think people are dumber than a box of rocks.

As you do so, please remember these things:

Rocks wouldn't exist if they did not serve a purpose.

One rock I know of is the one on which my solid foundation is built.

Some rocks are mountains, which we climb.

Some rocks we trip over, they are there to slow us down.

Some rocks are precious, they capture and reflect the light.

Some rocks hold us up when we are unsteady.

Some rocks capture a child's imagination.

Some rocks are the roads we travel on.

Some rocks decorate our lives and bring us joy.

Some rocks are colorful and bright.

And all rocks are solid.

So how dumb really is that box of rocks?

That's all for tonight.  I love you all.

Abba, thank you for being my rock.  In Christ Jesus' name I pray.  Amen

Please feel free to comment on your rocks.

:-)  XOXOXO

Monday, 12/02/13 - Search Party

Since Kelsey has entered my life, my journey has become one of searching for the best Malinda possible.  God taught me that I was important through an unborn child.  Since then God has continued to teach me that I am important.

Some of the ways that God has taught me that I am important are through his son, Christ Jesus, that son's sacrifices, the dreams he's given me, the Holy Spirit he has instilled in me, the support, love and prayers of family and friends, and the journeys that have been shared with me.

When someone shares their journey with me I feel blessed.  Those shared journeys, also, teach and inspire me to better myself.

Through my search I have been able to be there for others, sort through a lot of the head-garbage I had built up and I've been able to say "Good Bye" to the twelve year old Malinda.  After saying "Good Bye", I had to start finding the 46, now almost 47, year old Malinda.  This is the best Malinda!

Along the way, the reasons for this search have evolved.  I now search so that I can be an approved worker for God, take care of myself and so that I can become nothing so that others will know that they are important.  I do this because my end in mind is "Heaven Bound".

"Heaven Bound" is for all of you and me.  In the end this is my ultimate dream.

The biggest dream I have to help me obtain this end in mind, in this life, is Independable.  Independable to me means knowing that the illusion of being independent depends on God and those he surrounds you with.  In the future, I will share more of this dream.

If I'm going to achieve this dream and share it with others, I have to learn to take care of myself:  body, soul and spirit. This is what I am doing.  I can't serve God and others, if I don't take care of myself, so I can become nothing.  I have to become nothing so that others can learn that they are important too.

Please know that you are all a party to this search.  For to live more abundantly is God's wish for all of us.

I love you all!  :-)  XOXOXO

07/26/13 - Friday - 008 Where are you?

Some people that make a big impact on you come into your life for only a brief moment.

At some point in time, I would really like to say, "Thank you!", to one person who had that kind of impact on my life.

Let's set the scene.  I'm 22 or 23 years old.  I go out on Saturday nights.  Usually I'll go over to the Lakeview in Argentine, MI.  They have live bands and I like to dance and have a few drinks.

One of the bands I really used to like listening and dancing to was the Mustangs.

One Saturday night, I go out to the Lakeview and I'm sitting with a female friend of one of the band members.

A couple of guys walk up to the table we are at.  The first one introduces him and his friend as 008 and 009, 007's back-ups.  The most unique come on line I've ever heard.

These two gentlemen come and sit with us.

We all start talking and at some point 008 does a quarter-bound that ends up going down my top into my bra.

After that 008 and I end up dancing most of the night.  He's a pretty good dancer - slow, fast and to me, sexy.

Good conversation too.

After the last set is over for the night,  008 offers to walk me to my car.  At the car, 008 gives me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

That's the first and the last time I ever saw him.  I never did get his name.

What did I learn and what do I now appreciate most about him?

That night, I was lonely and not feeling to good about myself.  This man showed me how I should be treated and by the end of the night I felt like one special lady.

When I think about that night, I still feel pretty special and it always brings a smile to my face.

What I appreciate most to this day is that 008 was a gentleman and taught me how I should expect to be treated.  I took a long time for that lesson to penetrate.

This was 23 to 24 years ago.  That's an impact.

If anyone knows of someone who used to introduce themselves as 008 and has a good looking friend with strawberry blonde hair.  Please have them get in touch with me.

No matter where 008 is in his journey today, I want him to know that he's had a good positive impact on my life.

07/21/13 - Sunday - A Simple Sinner's Prayer?

"God, I acknowledge that I am a sinner and that your son, Christ Jesus, died on the cross for my sins. Thank you. I ask for your forgiveness.  Please show me the way forward.  In Christ Jesus' name I pray.  Amen"

This is what some would call "A Simple Sinner's Prayer".

The prayer may be simple.

In order to truly know God's grace through this prayer you have to mean it with every once of your being and be repentant. 

The process for saying that prayer and meaning it are anything but simple.

To get to the point of saying this prayer, accepting God's mercy, grace and opening my soul to be filled with his Holy Spirit was a journey of missteps, bad choices and of a life for a person who felt she was unimportant.

From that point to today, there is the old Malinda and now the Malinda who is perfectly herself each and every day.

This new Malinda knows:

• I am important and at the same time everyone else is too.
• I have made mistakes, they are a part of me that I will not deny.  Without those mistakes, I would not be who I am now - I own them.

• That God has a purpose for all of us.

• The only person I can change is me.

• That as I move forward on my journey I need to continually seek and effect changes in myself that will help me to become the Malinda that God wants me to be.  In this way I leave the old Malinda behind.

• That God EXPECTS me to share my journey. That is the job he has set before me.  We all have a different journey that will lead us to kneeling before God on Judgment Day.   At the same time, our paths intersect at different points.  God tells me that just as I have learned from him and through others, others can learn from me.  In this way, others can make their own changes.
• That I have been forgiven.  Being forgiven came at a high cost to one person, Christ Jesus.
• That God loves me, no matter what, and that as long as I listen and continue to strive to move towards his vision of the perfect Malinda, I will continue to receive his grace and mercy.

• I know I will face challenges, I will suffer loss, grief, harm and hatred.

• I know a sense of peace and joy, that will not leave me for I know I am God's.

This knowledge and more is available to all of us.

All we have to do is say that Simple Sinner's Prayer, mean it and be willing to live in it.  How you and I get there and move forward is what's not so simple.

As I move forward, I will share what God has shared with me through all the formats he has shared it.  God's word starts with the Bible and that is just the beginning...for our God is a living God.

Abba,

Thank you for that still quiet voice.  Thank you for Pastor Jim Combs.  Thank you for all of the seed planters and gardeners in my life.  Please continue to lead me forward so that I can better serve you and those you place in my life.  In Christ Jesus' name I pray.  Amen  :-)  XOXOXO

Monday, July 1, 2013 - Being Scared

God has given me an assignment for this Summer.  The assignment is to become a more approved worker.

I will strive and grow to meet this challenge and in the process conquer more of my fear.  For fear, anger, envy, etc.... is what stops us from being all that God knows we can be.

The following used to be the introduction that people would see when they came to this blog:

I've always told Kelsey, my daughter, that if you're scared to share what's going on you know you're doing something wrong.  I believe this might be one exception to that rule....Sharing what's going on in my life is scary just because it is...

God's been wanting me to share what's going on in my life, so that other people will know they aren't the only ones.

I was sharing a little through Facebook.

Then God asked me to start a blog....it's taken me a while.  I believe God wants me to touch the lives of friends that I know and those I have still to meet.

So, today, Saturday, 10/20/12, I am growing my faith to move another mountain.  A personal mountain, my fear that what I have to say won't be of interest to others.

One other reason for doing this is that I believe we are all more alike than any of us will admit.

Here we go through the laughter, the tears and through the times when God says, "When you are ready to stop hitting your head on that brick wall, I'm here, I love you and I have faith that you can do this."

As of today I'm changing the introduction to read:  2 Timothy 1:7-8  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord.

These are the verses that have been running through my head lately.

I will shake my fear and timidity. 

In the process, I hope others will too that we can together gain power, love and self-discipline together.

I love you.  :-)  XOXOXO

Malinda A. Gottschalk

04/07/13 - A Little Bit At A Time

"Malinda, take things a little bit at a time", is what I have to keep reminding myself of these days.

I can see where God wants me to go and I want to get there now!

I know where I've been and the mountain I have to climb because of the messes I've made.

With all this running through my head I stumble, I fall and my knees can get pretty scraped up.  That's when God steps in and says, "A little bit at a time".  Then God picks me up, dusts me off, kisses my self-inflicted wounds and says, "Try again, I love you."

Working through "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" is slow going.  I have a lot of the skills needed to work through this process.  I will succeed in the end.

Remembering to do things a little bit at a time, for the right reasons, combining the old with the new and finding the balance for all of this is a task. 

Without God in the lead, where would I be?  Still lost and lonely. 

Being thankful for what I have is what keeps me going.  I want to show God how truly grateful I am for each day and all the grace and mercy he's shown me.

When you are born of the spirit and water, you are changed forever.  That's when the real work begins.

Once you acknowledge that you are a sinner, ask for forgiveness and acknowledge that Christ Jesus' died for your sins (Meaning it with all your being, because God does know.) you become responsible for showing those whose lives you touch that you are his and they can be too.

God wants all of us to know that we are loved and that he cares.

This doesn't mean that any of us deserve God's mercy or grace.  Like any parent bearing gifts, we are given God's mercy and grace simply because he loves, cares for and wants the best for us.   Like Pastor Jim Combs said in one of his messages, "Christ was a somebody who became a nobody, so that we could realize that we are somebodies who have to become nobodies to serve others, so that they know they are somebodies and can do the same for others and change worlds."

Now with that said, don't try to say it three times fast, we come back to the statement, "Malinda, take things a little bit at a time."  This, also, is reflected in the "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" when Stephen Covey says, "Go slow, to go fast".  By taking things a little bit at a time, the lessons I have to learn, the balance I need to find and the way towards the dreams God has given me and the path too them remains within the light that he shines on me so that I can reflect it to others.

In the end that is my God-given purpose.

So anew I will begin again to share my journey with you, a little bit at a time.

Good Night and Sweet Dreams!  I love you all.  :-)  XOXOXO